But your memoir will consider deeper conflicts, where the stakes are higher: You wanted to be loyal to your friend, but you’re afraid to tell her that her husband was cheating on her. You want to save for a new car, but you also want those great-looking high heels with the tassels. Or wanting two things in direct opposition to each other. Conflict is someone wanting something, and there’s something in the way of getting it. Conflict isn’t two people screaming at each other. That last one is important to consider in choosing what to write your memoir about. The best way to approach memoir – the way that will keep you paddling even when the waters get rough – is by considering a particular problem that you’ve dealt with or a difficult moment in your life that has the elements of great narrative: a page-turning plot, interesting characters, and lots of conflict. So while your early life undoubtedly informs the most interesting stories of your adult life, you often don’t need to include the stories that have accumulated rather, you need to delve into your understanding of the stories. It’s very hard to access your own version of that story, because, well, you were 4 your own story lacks your adult-self’s understanding of your child-self’s inner world. The stories of our early lives don’t easily lend themselves to compelling memoir, because they’re often told from outside ourselves – think of the story your mother tells about the time you so adorably insisted on sleeping in your brand-new sneakers when you were 4. When they can spontaneously come up in conversation, they can be lively and witty and fun, but when you write them, especially in the context of telling your life story, it’s very difficult to breathe new life into them. These stories tend to have a staleness to them when they’re re-told on the page. Ironically, these tales don’t often make for compelling memoir, even though they’re the stuff that binds families together and provide decades-long laughter at the reunion or Thanksgiving table. One reason it’s so hard to write your autobiography is that by necessity, you’ll be relying on tales you’ve heard from your parents and other family for your earliest years.

Use short stories to write autobiog